10/23/05 11:14 pm - farce
3am binging takes the edge off, yeah, rules the mind for a bit of relief. entertaing as fuck too but i hate feeling like i'm only enjoying it because no one is here to ridicule me.
i dont know how not to feel tense and bottled up like a dry cork. all these people standing around me like they are of importance, like i only make sense when they agitate me. unbridled enough to rip through any of their fuckin airs, but should it take that much?
they always bring the past back to me, i want to stuff it inside and put a lid on it before it puts a crack through the outer shell and bleeds into everything. then again, why shouldn't it? everyones' hands are already red...
i can't even eat in peace because the past is telling me it just wont work.
soon as i start seeing the glass half full they all start to wonder about me...
sometimes i want them to antagonize me, shake me up, then i'll have an excuse to blow up in their faces. they are asking for it and the obediant man can hardly be blamed.